


Overthinking

by nicetaralezh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Horny Teenagers, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 21:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16961907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicetaralezh/pseuds/nicetaralezh
Summary: The game "Truth or Dare" is sometimes useful to play even with your closest friend, if you really want to find out those things that it would be very difficult to talk about in other situations. And Lily Evans knows this very well.





	Overthinking

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first experience of translating my fanfic into English, so I will be very grateful for the comments and corrections.
> 
> First published in Russian: https://ficbook.net/readfic/7298269  
> Russian version on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15827688
> 
> Aesthetic: https://twitter.com/tanyarysisgone/status/1034564588749168642?s=21

«Truth or dare?»

They were sitting on the floor in Lily's room. It was quickly getting dark outside the window: August already. Lily waited hard for Severus to respond. He looked gloomy at her through the long strands of black hair that obscure his face. The girl saw how difficult it is for him to choose, but she must, she simply must find out what he really feels for her.

«Dare,» grumbled Sev with displeasure and wrapped his arms around his knees.

Lily smiled contentedly.

«Dare, you said?» she protractedly said and bit her lip, trying not to show her feelings too clearly. «Then kiss me.»

Severus abruptly turned his whole body toward her and asked very slowly:

«What?»

«Kiss me. You chose «Dare» and I order you to kiss me.»

Lily grimaced as she said it. I oder you? How silly it sounded, and besides, wrong... Oh, okay. The main thing is that he understand me correctly. He must understand correctly. I hope that he will understand...

She looked at him and realized that he was not even going to budge.

«No.»

Lily smiled, confused. «What's the matter, Sev?»

«I won't do that,» he stubbornly repeated, but the girl noticed how the knuckles of his clenched fists turned white. «I definitely won't do that.»

«But- but why?!» she exclaimed, forgetting that parents or sister could hear them and find out that Severus had not yet gone home.

Severus sighed heavily. 

For some time they sat in silence, broken only by sounds coming from a half-open window. Lily was completely at a loss and felt like a complete fool, deceived in her expectations. But how could I hope that everything would be so simple? I did not even for a moment doubt that he would agree. I was sure that he liked me...

She was ready to burst into tears when suddenly Severus spoke:

«Do you really want to know the reason?» he asked quietly, staring tensely somewhere through Lily.

«Of course, I do!» she exclaimed and immediately mentally scolded herself for such fervor.

«Okay,» he took a deep breath. «Let me collect my thoughts.»

They were silent for ages, although the clock on the wall measured only four minutes.

«Okay,» he repeated, deciding. «I do not want to perform this action, I do not want to kiss you... I... Oh, it's harder than it seemed.» He covered his face with his hands.

Lily waited patiently for his answer. Severus tossed his hair from his face, sat right across from Lily, and firmly locked his fingers into the lock. He took a deep breath.

«Okay, one more time. Lily,» he decided to look her straight in the eyes. «I really like you, but I don’t want to do what you ask me to do. I just can’t. I… I often think of you, probably too often. And… and I imagine how I will kiss you once, but then something happens in my head, and I can't, I can't figure it out.»

Lily put her arm around her shoulders and frowned. Patience. I have to be patient. He should see that I am ready to wait for explanations for as long as necessary.

«You see, I immediately begin to think that you will not like it, that I will be too rude, I will be too persistent, importunate, that it will make you angry or upset, that it will be inappropriate, that you will alienate me, that I look too bad, that I am from a poor family, that you would like someone else to kiss you instead of me, that I'm not good enough for you... And if you still like it, I mean, you will not mind... Then we will start dating, and I will ruin everything, because I’m rude, annoying, poorly dressed and not handsome, and you can’t deserve all this shit, you should get luckier, you need someone better than me, and… What if we'll want to have sex? And what if I will be cruel to you, suddenly I will hurt you, suddenly I will do something against your will? What if I'll lose control of myself, what if you'll hate me? What if you’ll get pregnant? What if someone will finds out that we are dating, and there will be problems with your parents, my parents and at school?.. You know what's going on at school when I get caught by these assholes. And Potter, he will kill me if he finds out, if you and I ... if we become more than just friends. And if we'll start dating, what if things only get worse? Everyone will know about it and wait for you to leave me, because I will spoil everything, and when I ruin, everyone will know about it, and everyone will know that it is because of me. And what if you start being ashamed of me, if you'll not longer like me, if you realize that you were mistaken in me and you want to break up with me? And what if you’ll get pregnant and we’ll must have to contact Madame Pomfrey for help, and she will tell Slughorn and McGonagall, and then we will be expelled from school? And where we will live, because my parents will not accept us, and yours will not be happy too?.. And ... Oh, God, Lily!» he covered his face with his hands and wept.

Lily was not just shocked by what she heard, she was in absolute shock. She sat and listened to Severus's sobs, not daring to say anything to console him, and she couldn't find words of comfort.

«Whoa, Severus,» she finally muttered. «If every time you see me you having such a flow of thoughts…» she shrugged, confused.

Severus lowered his head, buried his face on his knees and not daring to look at her. Again there was a painful pause, but this time Lily did not feel how long it lasted.

«Are you angry with me now? Or do you think I'm a complete moron? Or?..» nervously and hopelessly, Severus began to mumble, wringing his hands and clearly not noticing it.

«Shhh,» Lily began to gently stroke him on the shoulder. Suddenly she snorted.

«What? What is it? Does this mean you still consider me a fool?» Severus groaned with despair.

«No!» Lily exclaimed with passion. And then she remembered that they should not make noise, and lowered her voice almost to a whisper: «No, I do not consider you a fool, I do not at all consider so. You just think a lot instead of doing something.»

«And this is stupid, right?» Severus asked listlessly, looking blankly through space.

«I do not know. Probably not,» answered Lily. She hugged his shoulders and asked timidly: «So will you kiss me today or not?»

«Do you really want this? After everything I've told you here?» he asked incredulously.

«Sev, if I didn’t want, I wouldn’t offer,» sighed Lily. All this is already pretty tired of her. «Perhaps it would be better if I do it myself.»

And she, full of determination, kissed him warmly. After a moment, Severus responded to her kiss, at first timidly and hesitantly, as if not believing in the reality of what was happening, then the awkwardness passed and the kisses became less inept and began to give more pleasure.

Lily didn't notice how she find herself on Severus's lap crossing her ankles behind his back. His hands tightly pressed her body to him. She felt his erection, the heat of his body, and she decided that she liked it. He moaned softly when she bit his lip lightly. And she liked it too.

When they decided to stop, Lily laughed softly, feeling her lips swell:

«Well, let's continue to play or do you like kissing more?»

«And what do you want?» asked Severus, gently smoothing her disheveled hair.

«I got what I wanted,» she smirked.

«Well then, I absolutely don’t mind to continue to give you what you want,» he said with a smirk, and immediately caught himself, rolled his eyes in awe and added: «If, of course, you want, and if you’re not tired yet, and if…»

Lily rolled her eyes and then took his face in her hands.

«Sev, dear, listen, all right. All is well,» she said soothingly, looking him straight in the eyes. «I like you enough, no, I even love you.»

And, without letting herself enjoy the expression of astonishment on his face, she kissed him again.


End file.
